The Archivist Method

    FILE: ARCH-LTR-105  /  STATUS: ACTIVE

    The Other Side of the File: Attraction to Harm

    Read the lines below. Then read what the pattern file says to do.

    Every line below was typed by someone on the other side of Attraction to Harm. You are reading what they asked about a person in their life.

    They are quoted word for word from public questions. None was written for this page, and nothing was added to them.

    If someone is hurting you, scaring you or controlling you, your safety comes before any reading.

    The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. Confidential, around the clock, and they talk about safety planning as well as leaving.

    988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988, any hour. Confidential, and not only for the worst version of a night.

    Emergency services: 911.

    These lines are confidential. You can call just to talk it through.

    1. If you had a friend who always seemed to get into bad relationships, what would you tell them?
    2. What do you do if your friend is dating a bad guy?
    3. What would you say to a friend who was dating someone who was bad for them but they didn't realize it?
    4. What do you do when your daughter is dating a guy who you know is wrong for her, when I tell her she backs him up not me? I’m so upset she deserves better.
    5. How to tell your child when she has chosen the wrong life partner
    6. How to deal with watching someone you care about make choices you know will hurt them
    7. Why do people choose the wrong partner over and over again, despite knowing they don’t make them happy or treat them well?
    8. Why are people attracted when they are treated badly and reject when someone treats them with respect?

    Each line below is a public question a real person typed, quoted word for word. The Archivist chose and ordered them and wrote nothing inside them.

    If this pattern is yours, these are the people watching it happen. The way back starts in your own body, not in their questions.

    Catch the body signal, the one thing you feel in your body as the pattern starts. Intercept the usual response and choose a different action. Rewrite by repeating that action until it is easier to reach.

    Assembled by The Archivist from the record.

    THE PATTERN FILE

    Attraction to Harm: Why am I attracted to people who hurt me?

    When Attraction to Harm runs for years

    These letters are part of the Letters in The Stacks, beside Unsent.

    The free Crash Course, short lessons on your pattern, starts by naming it.