Daring Greatly, and the armor that goes on in seconds

Being open here means risk, doubt and being exposed. The book says this is not weakness.

It draws a line between shame and guilt. Guilt is about something you did. Shame is about who you think you are.

Guilt can help you make a change. Shame tends to make people hide.

It also names the armor people wear to avoid being seen. Pulling away, going numb and aiming for perfect are all armor.

It is right that closeness needs risk. You cannot be known while you are hiding.

It is right that shame and guilt feel different and push you in different ways. Knowing which one you feel is useful.

The book changes how you see the armor. It says less about the seconds it takes to put it on.

Someone gets close, and you go quiet or leave early. The armor is on before you chose it.

The Disappearing Pattern is the name for that exit. You pull back just as the other person leans in.

Behavioral Interception is the practice of catching an automatic pattern as it begins, intercepting its usual response, and practicing a different action until it becomes more natural.

It works in the seconds before the exit. First you feel the body signal, a tight chest or urge to leave, and name the pattern.

Then stay one minute longer, or say one true thing. Repeat it each time the signal comes back.

Keep the book for the courage. Use practice for the seconds the armor goes on.