- The 21-day habit rule
In one study, new habits took from 18 to 254 days to near their peak.
- Missing one day does not reset a habit
In one study, missing one chance to do a new daily habit did not materially change it.
- Venting anger does not let it out
In one experiment, venting anger while thinking about its target made people angrier, not calmer.
- Trying not to think about it backfires
In one experiment, trying not to think of a white bear made the thought return more later.
- Willpower as a fuel that runs out
Across 23 labs and 2,141 people, a standard willpower test found an effect near zero.
- Good intentions are not the whole story
Across 47 experiments, a medium-to-large boost in intention led to a small-to-medium change in behavior.
- Picturing success does not get you there
In four studies, expecting success went with more effort, but daydreaming about it went with less.
- Perfectionism does not mean better work
Across workplace research, perfectionism showed no clear overall link to job performance.
- Not everything you do is a choice
In two diary studies, people doing daily habits tended to think about other things.
- Not wanting it does not stop a habit
At the cinema, people with a strong popcorn habit ate as much stale popcorn as fresh.
- People can change, even in their traits
In 207 studies, personality trait scores changed during intervention programs, and the changes held at follow-up.
- Announcing a goal can mean doing less
In four experiments, identity goals that other people noticed were acted on less than goals nobody noticed.
- Naming a feeling does not make it worse
In one brain scan study, naming feelings lowered the response of emotion regions to upsetting images.
- A new place can break an old habit
Habits of students who changed university lasted only when parts of the setting stayed the same.
- Watching for slip-ups helps with bad habits
When people held back a strong habit, close watching for slip-ups was the one strategy that helped.
- Similarity, not difference, goes with attraction
Across 313 studies, feeling similar to someone went with liking them, including in existing relationships.
- A sorry for what is not your fault raised trust
In four studies, a sorry for something the speaker clearly did not cause raised trust in them.
- An apology with more parts was seen as more effective
In two studies, apologies with more parts were seen as more effective than those with fewer.
- Compliments land better than the giver expects
Givers of compliments thought recipients would feel more awkward and less good than they really did.
- Positive affirmations can backfire for some people
A repeated positive line left people low in self-esteem worse, and those high in it slightly better.
- A thank-you letter means more than the writer expects
Writers of thank-you letters expected readers to feel more awkward and less good than they did.
- Hiding how you feel did not keep the peace
When one person hid their feelings in a talk, rapport fell and the partner's blood pressure rose.
- Anger won more in a computer negotiation, through fear
In computer negotiations, people gave more ground to an angry opponent than to a happy one.
- Calming down is not the best fix for nerves
In several studies, calling nerves excitement worked better than trying to calm down.
- New Year's resolutions do not always fail
A year later, 55% of those who answered said they were keeping their resolution.
- Last-minute work did not earn better grades
In two studies of students, those who put work off got lower grades on all assignments.
- Putting things off is not just laziness
When upset people believed their mood could not change, the tendency to put things off went away.
- People underestimate how long their own tasks take
People guessed too little time for their own tasks, until they linked the guess to past ones.
- Kindness after a mistake is not slacking off
In four experiments, people who met a mistake with kindness were more driven to improve, not less.
- Holding back effort is not a free protection
Across 36 school studies with 25,550 people, self-handicapping went with lower achievement.
- A message after a long silence is valued more than you think
People who reached out guessed low. The people they reached valued it more, most of all when it was a surprise.
- Not knowing if someone likes you can pull you in, for a moment
Uncertainty about being liked drew more thought and more attraction in one short study. It says nothing about a relationship.
- Honest talk went better than people expected
People expected honesty to hurt. It did less harm, and felt better, than they predicted.
- Deep talk with a stranger felt less awkward than people feared
People expected a deep talk with a stranger to be awkward. It felt better, and more connecting, than they guessed.
- Talking to a stranger on the train felt better than staying quiet
Commuters who talked to a stranger had a better ride. Others guessed quiet would be better.
- Letting a bad feeling be went with feeling better later
People who let hard feelings be felt less bad under stress. They also did better months later.
- Couples who lived apart grew close by sharing more with each other
Dating couples who lived apart shared more and held a rosier picture of each other. That, not the distance itself, went with closeness.
- Open disagreement went with a marriage that improved over time
Arguing went with unhappiness at the time. Three years on, it went with more satisfaction. Pulling back went with decline.
- Over the long run, people regretted what they did not do more
Actions drew more regret in the short term. Over the long run, the things people did not do drew more.
- People who asked more questions were liked more
In live conversations, people who asked more questions were better liked. Follow-up questions stood out most.
- People who asked for advice were seen as more capable
People judged those who asked them for advice as more competent than those who did not ask.
- Asking why from a step back let people look at anger without reliving it
Looking back from a step away and asking why let people think over an angry moment calmly.
- Women who valued happiness more felt less happy in good moments
In two studies of women, valuing happiness more went with less happiness in good moments. Disappointment explained it.
- Self-control showed up most in what people did without thinking
Across 102 studies, self-control showed its strongest link with automatic behavior, not effortful behavior.
- People who punished the one who wronged them kept thinking about that person
In three studies, people who punished kept thinking about the offender. Those who did not punish moved on.
- People who turned down an invitation overestimated the fallout
People who said no to an invitation overestimated how angry the person who asked would be.
- Expecting the worst made the wait worse and did not soften the blow
People felt worse while expecting a bad outcome. Once it came, their expectation made no measurable difference.
- Telling someone your good news went with feeling better that day
Telling others about a good event went with more good feeling, beyond the event itself.
- Couples who kept breaking up and getting back together reported more problems
In two college samples, on-off partners reported fewer good things and more problems. More renewals went with more problems.
- After a service went wrong, thank you often worked better than sorry
After a service failure, saying thank you often restored customers' satisfaction better than saying sorry.
- Short breaks left people with more energy, but did not clearly raise their output
Short breaks raised energy and eased tiredness, with no clear overall gain in output.
- Sharing the failures behind a success lowered the envy others felt
Sharing the failures behind a success, not just the success, lowered the hostile envy observers felt.
- Expecting a partner to just know went with more fighting and more silence
People who expected a partner to just know reported more fighting and more going silent.
- Most people believed others had fuller social lives, and the busiest people set the bar
In 11 studies, most people thought others had richer social lives than their own.
- People asking for help guessed too low how often others would say yes
People guessed too low, by as much as 50 percent, how likely others were to say yes.
- Joking about yourself helped only people already seen as high in status
In one study, self-mocking jokes helped only speakers described as high in status.