Is it normal to hate my parents?

Often a bill. Every call you took when you had nothing left. Every visit you dreaded and made. Every no you swallowed because they are your parents. Each one was small. The total is not.

The reasoning keeps the bill open. They did their best. They are getting older. I only have one mother. Some of that may be true. That is why it works. Watch where every reason ends. If it always ends at give more, the thinking is not deciding anything.

This page cannot see your parents, and it will not judge them. It can help you read your own record.

The hate does not cancel the love. It sits beside it, keeping count of what the love has cost.

The body signal is what you feel as the pattern starts. On this file the usual report is weight. Heaviness across the shoulders, a sinking chest, a tired that sleep does not touch. It comes before the call is answered.

The window is the few seconds between the weight and the yes. Three to seven seconds is a working figure, not a measurement. It is enough time to say let me think about it.

Not by deciding to stop feeling it. Insight does not change the sequence. Repeating the different action does.

Catch is to feel the body signal and name the pattern before it becomes the behavior. Intercept is to interrupt the usual response and choose a different action before the old pattern completes. Here the different action is one small limit.

Rewrite is to repeat the different action until it becomes easier to reach when the signal returns. Between moments, you can look at where this started, if you want to. SOURCE UNKNOWN is also a complete answer.

Normal is a count, and this archive does not count people. It reads sequences. What it can say is that a feeling is not an act. Hating a parent does not make you cruel. It tells you something in the bond is costing more than you can give. That is worth reading, not hiding.

As an adult you have more choice and often more duty. The calls, the visits, the help with money or care. The old roles come back the moment you walk in. The bill gets longer, not shorter. You are allowed to reduce contact, or change its terms, without anybody's permission.

If your mother is the parent you hear from most, she is also where the bill is longest. The hate is not a verdict on her, and not a verdict on you. Read when it comes. After which calls? After which kind of request? The answer tells you where a small limit would go.

Liking and loving are different things. Liking is about how time together feels. You do not have to like time with her. You can still decide how much of it to spend. Dislike is not a fault. It becomes a cost when you keep saying yes to time you dread.

Hate that comes and goes is easier to read than hate that stays. It points at moments. Write down the next three times it arrives, and what came just before. A comment. A request. A plan made for you. Those moments are where the window opens.

The same record applies. Read what comes before the hate. With a father it may be a tone, a silence, or a plan you were not asked about. If you feel afraid of him rather than tired of him, read the block at the top of this page first. Fear is a safety question before it is a pattern question.

A feeling is not a verdict on you. What you do with it is the part you control. Hate that stays silent turns into a bill. Hate that is read can turn into one small limit. The question is not whether you are allowed to feel it. It is what it is asking you to change.

No more than any feeling is bad. It may be loud because you are still giving a lot. If so, the guilt and the hate arrive together, which makes both feel bigger. Separate them. The guilt says you are wrong to feel it. The hate says something costs too much. Only one of them gives you useful information.

You are allowed to feel it. You are also allowed to keep it to yourself while you work out what it means. Write it down instead of saying it in a fight. Then read it later, when the weight has gone. The hate is a record. Records are for reading, not for punishing yourself with.

Yes, two records can run at once. Love is the bond. Liking is the time. You can love her and still find an hour with her draining. Holding both is not a contradiction you have to solve. It means the bond matters and the cost is real. Small limits protect both.

Resentment is old hate with interest. It is usually built from things you never said. The no you swallowed. The visit you made when you had nothing left. Ignoring it does not shrink it. Stopping the bill from growing is the part you can do. Start with one small limit and say it plainly.

Sometimes it is them. Some parents do real harm, and you owe no one an explanation for stepping back. If that is your house, the routes at the top of this page come first.

The pattern is different. It shows up in more than one room. Do you carry the same weight at work, with a friend, with a partner? Then home is where it is loudest, not where it lives. The core file on it is at /patterns/why-cant-i-leave-a-relationship-that-drains-me.

This is not who you are. It is a pattern running. Those are different things, and the difference is the entire method.